I wish I could teleport
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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