you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
