GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
