do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize