I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize