Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize