mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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