weddingsv make me drug and hornr
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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