why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
