Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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