you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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