I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
