just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Randomize
