proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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