He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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