Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Watching her eat just hurts me
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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