the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
