Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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