Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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