I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize