miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
