I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
