Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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