I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
