in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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