Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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