I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
