i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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