lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
