:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
