i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
