hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize