what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
