needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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