He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize