I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
