Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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