i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
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