I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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