chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
are you so shy because you have an std?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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