the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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