I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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