can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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