Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
