If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize