There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
