Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
