But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize