I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I love you. Go after that dick
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
