take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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