forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
