Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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