YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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