Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
a search helicopter?!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
