come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
