Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
