How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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