before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
