as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
