I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
