Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
