Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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