And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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