The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
