On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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