I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
