My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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