I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
