We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
