he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize