i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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