Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
