my mouth tastes like poor choices
the condom got lost in my hair
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
