We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
