i permit you to call me
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
