Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
not ubering you a puppy
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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