Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
