Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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