theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
