There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Randomize
