Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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