Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Drake has all the answers
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
