Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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