Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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