..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
