I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
