I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
