HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
3pm strippers are depressing
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
