I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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