did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
