I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
