Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
