ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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