I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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