After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
