The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
